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kitty peeks!

sex, drugs, and saving lives

air goes in and out, blood goes round and round; any variation on this is bad.

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so sick of the emo bullshit
gold-painted lips
I'm getting sick of people. Maybe it's the going-away. There's some people I won't be sad to leave. The ones who like to wallow in their self-pity or who are instruments of their own destruction. The ones who are incapable of success because they won't push the big button labelled "effort". The people who won't take a risk to save their lives. The people who do a month's worth of snooze-worthy work and with no experience parade around as if they're suddenly heroes, thereby shitting on the images of true heroes everywhere.

People who don't know me who think, besides all evidence, that they do. I wonder if they want to be my friends, or if they just want to somehow touch my successes, to be witness to the greater things I participate in. I hate barnacles. I worked hard for my own success, against a lot of adversity, and it nauseates me when somebody tries to touch on this great thing I have, to take a part of it away from me, so they can keep it for themselves. My success is not yours to take! Why am I too nice to tell people what I really think of them? Right, because it isn't worth the effort thath a dramatic blowup would cause.

I'm going to take this opportunity when moving away to disappear from a few places, to disassociate myself from people who have nothing in common with me but who want to cling to my shirttails because they think I'm cool or Moko's cool or that we could in some way benefit them. I've had enough friends over the last year alone who were friends only because they could get something out of me. I'm going to be living in a fishbowl, under the microscope of a Force the likes of which I have only just begun to understand. I have to reorganize my life; I am flying under the radar. If you don't pick me up, it's because I don't want you to.

If this hurts your feelings, I'm not sorry. It's just something I had to do.

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I think it will do you good to disassociate with those that are pulling you down. When you move, I think it will give you a chance to meet people who are around you simply because they like you as the great person you are; not because they want to whine to you, or get something from you.

When I first got diagnosed with bipolar disorder and was pretty sick, I quickly learned who I could be around and who was toxic for me - some people made my actions and behavior worse, and some supported my need for mental health. I believe big changes in life can weed out the good from the bad - you moving will be your big change.

PS - You're way ahead of the game by recognizing who these bad associations are and why they are bad. You'll be able to see these qualities in people before you get to close and messed up in their business in the future.

I am consistently (even if irrationally) afraid that, when someone writes something like this, it is about me... I recognize the need to do it, and moving is a better time than not, since you're less likely to accidentally run into people at the grocery store and such. But still. It's scary.

Don't lose touch. I'd miss you.

You are the opposite of this post. I won't lose touch with you. I promise.

I admire your strength. Best of luck and carry on.

I deal with the same thing, except for me it's not about success or accomplishments. Those things are naturally bound to come. For me, it is simply about moving on.

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